Being an Airman isn’t all fun and games. There’s a lot of hard work to be done, and at the end of the day, all you want to do is sit back and relax. We thought we could help brighten your day with some Air Force humor and jokes we’ve found across the internet. So sit back, relax, and enjoy the best Air Force jokes we could gather.

18 Air Force Jokes to Make You Laugh

Joke 1

Many branches of the US military use the stars for something important.

Army and Marines sleep under the stars.

Navy navigates using the stars.

Air Force chooses their hotel depending on the number of stars.

Joke 2

Two Navigators were at the officers club one Friday night. They stumble upon a vending machine that has a pair of pilot wings inside for $.50. They each have a quarter so agree to share the wings.

The first Navigator pins the wings to his chest and then walks around the club like he owns the place. After an hour, the second Navigator pulls his friend aside and asks: “When do I get to wear the pilot wings?”

His friend takes one look at him and says, “Shut up Nav.”

Joke 3

An Air Force F-35 comes careening down the runway. It’s anything but smooth, fishtailing, and leaving a line of burnt rubber and sparks behind it.

Tower: “Need any assistance, Airman?”

Pilot: “I don’t know, we’re not done crashing yet!”

Joke 4

How do you know if there’s an Air Force pilot at your party?

Oh, don’t worry. He’ll tell you as soon as he walks in.

Joke 5

How do you know when your date with a fighter pilot is halfway over?

He says, “Enough about me. Want to hear about my plane?”

Joke 6

How many Air Force pilots does it take to change a light bulb

One. He just holds it while the world revolves around him.

Joke 7

So, U.S Army, Marine, Navy, and Air Force officers are all told to “Secure the building”.

The Marine leads his platoon into the building with flash-bang grenades, neutralizing every hostile.

The Army guy surrounds the building with Mobile Infantry, Tanks, and Artillery, and asks the belligerents to surrender, or they will be blown to kingdom come.

The Navy guy just remembers to lock the doors and turn off the lights.

The Air Force guy will proceed to start the paperwork to buy the building for 3 times what it is worth.

Joke 8

An Airman, just out of Tech School while saving a child from a car crash is struck by another vehicle and dies. When he arrives, Saint Peter checks his list and notices that the child will now become a saint now that it has a future and God has decided to reward the Airman by returning him to earth in the body of someone about to die. He’s asked what he’d like to do so the body can be chosen

The Airman thinks about how he’s always wanted to be in the Air Force. I’m really just starting out, so perhaps I can be a lieutenant, with more pay, and more responsibility, and it's still an entry-level position. So he asks Saint Peter, “Sir, would it be possible to be a lieutenant? I haven’t had the chance to go to college, but I’m sure I would have done well if I could have afforded it.” Saint Peter checks the lists and replies, that he would have, and if he chooses he get the knowledge of going to college with it, along with the other life experiences the other departing soul had.

That got the Airman thinking. Eventually, he asked if he would have the same number of years on earth regardless of what he chose and Saint Peter said “Yes.”

The Airman thought again, If all this is true, then he could do more as a captain. With more experience and rank, he could influence more things and do more for more people. So he asks, can I go back as a captain?

Yes.

A colonel?

Yes.

A four-star general?

Yes.

Amazed, Airman says “That’s what I want then. to go back as a four-star general!” Saint Peter nods and writes something in a margin before directing the Airman towards a specific light to return to the mortal coil.

As the airman heads towards the light, a feeling of dread descends that is simply overwhelming. I’m taking advantage of this situation. I’ve sinned and I must try and make it right.

Returning to Saint Peter the Airman explains his feelings and asks forgiveness. Saint Peter assures there was no sin, but if he wishes to choose differently to salve his conscious, he is free to do so. Saint Peter also suggests that the Airman should take advantage and put himself into a better position for that was the intent of the offering.

Thinking carefully, the Airman finally says, “ I’ll take a better position, one that leaves me with the future available I always had but with more scope and responsibility. I choose to go back as a staff sergeant!”

Saint Peter responded immediately, shaking his halo, “NO! You have to pass a test for that!”

Joke 9

General Curtis LeMay was the first commander of the Strategic Air Command. He was fanatical about every member of SAC following the rules to the letter. Because SAC bases had nuclear weapons on base, they were surrounded by razor wire fences and had armed guards at the gate. You had to show an authorized ID to get in.

One night, General Lemay barged into a SAC base on foot without showing ID. The Airman 1st Class gate guard told him to halt. The General kept coming. The A1C pulled his pistol and fired a round just past the General’s ear. LeMay stopped, turned around, and said, “Do you know who I am?” The gate guard said, “You appear to be General LeMay, sir, but you showed no ID.” The General responded, “What are you supposed to do when somebody tries to enter the base with no ID?” The gate guard says, “I’m supposed to shoot them, sir.” LeMay responds with, “OK, son. Why’d you miss me?”

Joke 10

An Army officer enters a fast-food joint.

“Excuse me, may I use your latrine?”

“I don’t have a latrine…I wasn’t in the goddam army.”

“Sorry…What branch were you in?”

“The Air Force.”

“In that case, may I use your powder room?”

Joke 11

The differences between Enlisted in each service:

In the Army, a soldier's First Sergeant wakes them up, hands them an MRE and their rifle, and says "get at 'em boys".

In the Marines, a marine's Gunny wakes them up, hands them their rifle and tell them to chew on their boot, and says "get at ‘em boys"

In the Navy, a sailor's Chief wakes him up, he gets breakfast in the mess and arrives at his battery. He hears over the squawk, "get at ‘em boys"

In the Air Force, airmen wake up, grab a McGriddle at McD's, show up at work 5 minutes after the clock, and eventually make it out to the flight line. Eventually, a Captain comes out and climbs up to his jet and the airmen says, "get at ‘em, sir".

Joke 12

What do you say to the crew chief in blues?

Will the defendant please rise?

Joke 13

A sailor, a marine, and a soldier walk into a bar. Thank goodness the airmen were smart enough to duck.

Joke 14

A Colonel is delayed leaving Thule due to aircraft issues. It’s the height of the Cold War, and the Colonel has been on a long tour of remote Northern radar sites. This was his last one before heading home and he’s been stuck three extra days waiting on parts and repairs. When the jet is finally fixed, the Colonel heads straight to ops ready to go.

Aircrew is there, cargo is loaded, but departure time comes and goes. One hour goes by, then two… finally the Colonel asks what the hold-up is. Ops tells him they’re waiting on someone to empty the sewage. The Colonel expresses his dissatisfaction and continues to wait.

The expression must’ve worked because twenty minutes later AB Sewage Sucker finally shows up. He slowly pulls the truck up, gets out looking like he’s been in there catching Zs, and begins to get to work with zero sense of urgency.

The Colonel isn’t pleased with this performance and sends his NCO over to Sarge AB Sewage Sucker. He watches the NCO walk over and begin letting the Airman have it, knife hands and all, with no visible reaction. The Airman continues his lethargic pace undaunted. The NCO, baffled, returns to the Colonel and says, “Sir, I’ve never seen anyone like this. He didn’t flinch.”

The Colonel then sends his exec, a Captain, over to deal with the situation. He sees the Captain take a less crass, yet more intensely aggressive approach, quietly mentioning ideas like non-judicial punishment. If this intimidated the Airman, he certainly didn’t show it as he slowly continued his work.

Finally, the Colonel has had enough and decides to take matters into his own hands. He marches over, chest puffed out, ready to lay into this kid. He roars, “Son, if you don’t…”

The Airman calmly interrupts, “Sir, I’m stuck at Thule, I have no rank, and I’m sucking sewage out of your plane. What more could you possibly do to me?”

The Colonel, stunned, says, “I don’t know,” and returns inside.

Joke 15

The difference between an A1C and a 2d Lt?

The A1C has been promoted twice.

Joke 16

Why did the airman fail his marksmanship test?

He was told to aim high.

Joke 17

What if you don’t know if someone is a pilot?

Don’t worry they’ll tell you soon enough.

Joke 18

What’s the fastest way to stop the Air Force?

Lightning within 5.

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